On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
