Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
this will be a night to untag.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
