yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you didnt know i had herpes?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
