you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
