i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
