According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can't put those talents on a resume
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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