Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
