ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
