I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
