Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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