He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
