just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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