we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
