Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
