a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
