take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
