To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
