My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
