Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
