i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
