From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
