3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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