Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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