The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
