I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
