I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
