My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
