ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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