I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
