She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
