I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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