I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My life is pants optional.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
