i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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