I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
