fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
