Old men and throwing up are my life now.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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