Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We named our party play list daddy issues
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
