Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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