i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
