I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
