she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Couch. On fire.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
