My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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