I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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