I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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