oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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