dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
