There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
