i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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