My friends, they love my intelligence
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
