they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
