There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
