I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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