I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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